28.Jun.2011 Stop Trying, Start Intending
I find the word “try” to be a bit trying. It’s taken me a while to realize that any time I try to do something, there is a part of me that really doesn’t think I can—or doesn’t even want to—do it. Do you find the same to be true?
The definition of “try” is: “to make an effort to do or accomplish something; attempt, strive. Causing strain, hardship, or distress.” Trying, striving, attempting, making an effort—none of these words inspire or motivate me to want to move forward. The underlying assumption behind these words is that I can’t really do it and will probably fail “trying.”
I see two distinct areas that often involve the word “try”. The first is how we use the word “try” in our speaking. If I say to you, “I’ll try to call you this weekend,” you probably wouldn’t receive a call from me. The lack of intent behind this statement is kind of wimpy! In recent years, I have made a decision to eliminate the word “try” from my vocabulary. Now I might say, “I plan to call you mid-afternoon on Saturday.” And then, I write it down and follow through with my word. If something comes up and I can’t follow through, I contact the person to re-negotiate the date and time.
The second “trying” area involves trying to please someone. Have you ever tried to please someone? Do you find yourself trying to be different in order to make your boss, your parent, a relative, or a partner happier or to like you more? Imagine dripping or leaking parts of yourself every time you put energy toward trying to change someone else’s view of you. This is one time when it’s important to care less. Care LESS about what anyone thinks of you and care MORE about your own level of being and integrity.
What would it feel like to switch from “trying” to “setting an intention” that honors your own needs and feelings first? What would it feel like to let go of trying to please someone who really, really, really just can’t be pleased? What do you value more: the pain that stays wrapped up in this trying cycle of never being able to please someone, or the peace that comes from honoring and accepting yourself as you are now, not how someone else wants you to be?
If you make the choice to get off the road of trying and to venture along the path of intention instead, re-focusing will be important. Here are a few tips to support you so you can STOP TRYING and START INTENDING:
Observe your use of the word “try.” Observe lovingly, otherwise you’ll end up “trying” to stop using the word try and you’ll end up very frustrated!
Take a moment to think of the people around you that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t please. Loving observation is good here too, as you don’t want to make them wrong. They are as they are and you can’t change them—you only have the power to change you.
Create your vision and intention of your healthier choice. Sonia Choquette says, “Intention is like an arrow flying toward a target.” Visualize the target, the end result, and create the steps to reach the target. What would a healthier choice feel like to you?
Stay focused on the end result, take steps to get there, and allow or accept this good into your life.
Express gratitude all along the way.
Do you want to stop trying and start intending? It’s always your choice.
